It’s finally here. The Holiday season. That time of year when we have way too much to do and not enough resources to accomplish half of it. The Holidays are often fraught with expectations. The period after the Holidays, which I usually refer to as “Post-Christmas Exhaustion” are often likewise filled with depression and let down. So what goes wrong, and—worse yet—what happens to our money as part of the holidays?
There are many traditions associated with the Holidays; some are particular to your heritage, some are the result of past Holiday experiences. What we seem to do is try to keep all of them every year. That’s guaranteed to create exhaustion, confusion, and feelings of being overwhelmed. We take this time of year that was designed to be quiet, peaceful, contemplative (watching the snow fall with a fire roaring in the fireplace) and layer this expensive, loud, colorful, fattening, fun event right over it. Then somehow we expect all the symbols and metaphors to create the feelings we want to have.
Most of us try to recreate the actual or imagined feelings of past Holidays by bringing back the same symbols and events. We have the same foods, the same rituals, the same songs. And still, does this really create the same feelings?
As coaches, most of us are trying to help our clients live in the present. We know that the juice, joy and passion of life is really in the present, not the past or the future. So, what is this Holiday thing really about? Somehow we are often trying to recreate the past with traditions, and as we busy our selves with all the preparation we are putting a great deal of pressure on the future. How can we create the Holiday now to be joyful, close and heartfelt?
What’s on Your Doing List?
Over the holidays people get exhausted physically, emotionally and financially. The list of things to do includes:
Presents and gifts for family, friends, co-workers, and trades people
Decorating, including the tree, outside lights, décor, maybe even reindeer in the yard
Attending concerts and performances of The Nutcracker or Handel’s Messiah
Food, including special meals, cookies, candy
Additional responsibilities within your faith community
Parties which entail food, drinks, invitations, hostess gifts, and new clothing
Trips to visit Santa
Holiday cards
Holiday travel
Whatever your list looks like, all this stuff has to be purchased, created, written, baked, wrapped, mailed, and delivered. It’s tiring just to list it, let alone do it.
And since we all know you are going to do a bunch of it any way may I suggest that you make a list of all the holiday oriented things you need to do and on this list create three columns;
Cost in Money
Cost in Time
Cost in Energy
How much of those commodities do you actually have to give?
Let’s talk about some of the practicalities of the money portion of those resources. Theoretically, your holiday costs should be 1% of adjusted gross income. Most of us don’t even know what our adjusted gross income is, but if you take 1% of your total income that still doesn’t seem like much money. For example if you make $45,000 per year that’s $450 and that won’t go far against that long list. Presents and gifts often represent the largest expense of the holidays. Certainly it’s a big deal for retailers. There are many stores whose success for the whole year depends entirely on the Holiday sales. Our family travels every year because we do not live close to family. For those of you in a situation like mine, that means not only are you dedicating a portion of your income to presents, but often doubling it (or more!) in travel expenses.
The most effective way to cut spending costs is to start by making a list (even if you hate lists). Make a list of all the things you need to do, all the people you need to buy for, and set specific limits on your spending. Then go get that much cash and no more. The common understanding is if you use a credit card, you’ll spend 30% more. Don’t use your credit cards this year. If you have to, take cash from your card. The penalty for that cash advance is less than the 30% so do that instead of overspending. Spend your allotted cash and then stop.
And while you are spending all that money notice that the real message you are trying to deliver under all this activity and “doingness” is to say that you really love and cherish your family, friends and dear ones.
How About Your Being List:
When we give gifts we are really trying honor the person, let them know that we care for them, that they are special to us, and give them a symbol of those feelings. Your most precious commodity, your best gift, is your time. Instead of giving your time exclusively to all the doing, and all the preparation, I invite you to give your actual precious time. Create opportunities to be with those you love and actually tell them how you feel about them. Create that relationship and experience you want in a more concrete and direct fashion. Give the gift of love, time, self and you’ll probably save a little money in the process
Spend less, enjoy more, simplify.
Create new rituals and traditions for this particular season based on increasing the actual expression of your love. Or, as they say, invest in experiences—with others!
Pattern makers that we are, we often forget the “why” of the pattern and begin to think it’s about the pattern, like the great story of Grandma’s Ham: Grandma always cut off the ends of the ham, so years later the family is still cutting off the ends of the ham. Someone finally asks Grandma why she cut off the ends of the ham and she replies: “Because the pan was too small.”….Don’t let your holiday traditions become Grandma’s hams. Review what you plan to do and make sure it is really and truly likely going to create what your want.
The Holidays are not actually about all the doing and spending. They are about the connecting and caring. Would your January be different if you created actual moments of connection during the Holiday Season rather than relying on the symbols of the season to carry your message?
The map is not the territory.
The wedding is not the marriage.
For the sake of creating a meaningful and enjoyable Holiday Season what one thing will you commit to NOT doing for the sake of your holidays?
Here’s to a joyous season filled with love and connection, and letting money be a useful tool for you. Not a burden. And not like Damocles’ sword hanging over your head.
Shifting your relationship with money will help you enjoy the Holidays more, too.